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5 ways to develop self-love

I used to live every day in the deepest corners of my own insecurities. I would fight them but they would always win. I used to believe the lies I made up about not being ‘good enough’, ‘pretty enough’, ‘talented enough’, you get the picture. I believed I couldn’t have the life I really wanted for myself. I used to believe that somehow I was ‘less than’ all those girls that seemed to have everything going for them. The saddest thing about living like this was that I was the one who created that reality for myself purely because I did not believe in myself, my beauty or my talents. How absolutely absurd is that?


What’s even more absurd is, the older I have got, the more women I have come across and worked with, the more I have realized that every single woman does this to herself, and my biggest question is WHY? Why do we constantly pull ourselves apart, tell ourselves that we can’t have a big life or that dream career? Why do we believe that we aren’t beautiful simply because we aren’t beautiful ‘like her’.


I’ll tell you why.


Because you don’t love yourself for who you truly are or for the amazing woman that you know deep down in your heart you were destined to be. You spend so much time trying to be what you think other people will approve of and in this process, lose the essence of who you were created to be.


I get it, I really do girl, and it is SO DAMN HARD to not sit there and compare and wonder why it can’t be you. I used to agonize over how unfair life is because I don’t have what the other girls have, I don’t look like them, I’m not popular like them and I don’t have the amazing bodies they have. They seemed to have it all. They were loud and proud and always surrounded by people.


Then along came social media and amplified these problems tenfold, no, one hundredfold! You open your Instagram or Facebook and boom! Perfect faces and bodies all over the place. People living perfect lives and always traveling, beach holidays, exotic locations, the list goes on. All this only perpetuating the lies you believe about your unworthiness and inability to reach for the life you dream about.


Let me ask you…

My question to you is, why not you? 

Why can’t you be all you dream about and have the big life you want

If not why not girl?


It’s taken me many years of practice and failing at it to get to a point where I can look in the mirror and not hate what I see. Where I am able to celebrate the success of another woman without feeling behind or like a failure. A place where I can appreciate another woman’s beauty knowing that it takes nothing way from my own.


I wish I could bottle that feeling of freedom and enlightenment up and send it to all of you to experience! It is the most amazing feeling in the world! 


It’s a tough journey but one absolutely worth embarking on because the outcomes far outweigh the discomfort.


The best gift you could give yourself is to love every part of you equally. The sum of the parts make the whole and you cannot be whole without loving and nurturing every part.


If you’re ready to start being kinder to yourself and ready to experience the amazing sense of freedom I mentioned, here are 5 simple steps to start implementing into your daily internal dialogue to help you develop that self-love muscle.


  • Stop Being your own inner Mean Girl

You know that b*tch that tells you that you aren’t pretty enough? The one that says you aren’t good enough? Well it’s time to stop allowing her (ie YOU and your thoughts) to win. Every time you find yourself thinking these things, stop and acknowledge the negativity, try understand where it is coming from and immediately replace it with a positive thought or even a simple disagreement with your own self will suffice. You do not have to believe everything you think, especially when you are thinking less of yourself


  • Focus on your strengths

You know that saying “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” Well it’s pretty appropriate to this point. If you are constantly focusing on the things you can’t do or are not versed in you will be frustrated and feel like a failure. There is a reason we all have different talents, because if everyone was the same life would be pretty boring. If you are a great writer but wish you could illustrate and you’re fixated on the fact that you can’t draw, you negate your worth and value as a writer. Simply put, just because you are not good at everything does not mean you are a failure. The question you need to ask yourself is, “What is my genius?”, and then you work your butt off refining your skill/talent to be the best at it that you can be


  • Be true to who you REALLY are

When we get so consumed by trying to always be something we’re not, for external approval, we start looking for affirmation for the wrong things. It may feel good in the beginning but that novelty wears off pretty quickly. Putting yourself out there as your authentic self is scary and makes you vulnerable but it also makes you real. There is something refreshing about women who are not afraid to show vulnerability and turn their messes into messages to help others. Your sense of self-worth will change drastically because you won’t be trying to keep up with the Kardashians or the Jones’s or whoever the current trend is.


  • Have grace and patience with yourself

Have you ever thought of talking to your 2,3, 4 year old daughter / niece / cousin etc with the same nastiness and impatience that you do to yourself when you don’t get something right? I’m almost sure that’s a no because you don’t want to make them feel insignificant or useless. So why do you think it’s acceptable to speak to yourself in such a way that makes you feel worthless? I’m sorry to say but it’s absolutely not okay to speak to yourself like this. When you constantly do this you essentially create this atmosphere in your mind about yourself and then wonder why you are always feeling so down about yourself.

Change your thoughts and your life, attitude and mood will change.


  • Celebrate your uniqueness

Like I mentioned earlier, appreciating/acknowledging another woman’s beauty (whether it be physical or has to do with her personality or character). It takes absolutely nothing away from your own because even though you may not look or be like her, you are still beautiful in YOUR own unique way.  Because SHE doesn’t look like you or have the heart that you do. Either way, you look at it, both of you as women have different things to offer the world, both equally valuable. Start believing you are beautiful (in every way), tell yourself you are and believe it wholeheartedly. Because you are!


Flexing your self-love muscle takes a lot of mindfulness, observation of your thoughts and brutal honesty with yourself. It’s a constant practice at weeding out the negativity you create and replacing it with good. It’s not something that happens overnight and it’s also not always easy. But it’s necessary if you long to grow as a woman and elevate your frequency.


Give yourself the love you so freely give away to others.

Ashleigh Frost

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