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This is what most of my mornings look like.

Renewal: Finding My Authentic Self

Real talk.Recently I’ve relaunched my brand, but what it has come down to is it was more than just business, it was the renewal of my own life. This has been a journey these last few years, and it’s a big step to take! But you know what? It’s about time.

When I envisioned creating my business and my brand, I always wanted to take a lifestyle approach. But doing that meant sharing more, being more vulnerable, and y’all, I got scared. Putting it out there for the world to see is intimidating.

Resetting the label-maker

As entrepreneurs, we get put into categories; we get labeled. You’re this, and you’re that. I’m not a one-trick pony, but I kept struggling with the question of what makes my story unique? Exactly how am I different?  Who am I to think my story is worth telling? I settled for limiting myself to a single approach by teaching others to use Instagram. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love Insta, and I’m comfortable with it. But it’s not all that I am or all that I can do, and as I’ve grown, I’ve realized that I’m not the only person who has stunted their growth because they’ve been too afraid of doing something.

But come on. Everyone’s story is worth telling – including mine. And that’s what I want to do. I want to build a community where we can talk about our lives, our businesses, how they intersect and overlap, really get a chance to show that we are more than just a single label.

For me, when I dug in deep, it’s basically that I struggled with the fear of judgment. I worried what other people assume or think about me – but the reality is who’s really paying attention in the first place? We all have things to worry about, or should worry about, so even on the off-chance someone notices, why should I care?

The past year has been a massive change for my family and for me. My husband got a new job, we moved across the country, and as silly as it sounds, living on the west coast, in the desert, and coming back to this area surrounded by trees and nature and water, I felt like I was coming home. When we made this move, it almost felt like a shedding of an old person. It was almost like a reset button, and I’m probably the happiest I’ve been in a long time. I built an incredible community out west, but even those friends see the changes, the natural joy in me now. I have more confidence in myself and speaking in my own voice.

Facing major change

It was great timing because when this pandemic craziness hit, I had already started having those conversations with myself of asking why those fears matter, what the actual triggers for them were. Because even before house arrest, 2019 represented a significant change for my family. It had been just my son and me at home together, in 2018, I saw my husband six weeks out of the year due to his travel! Needless to say, life was stressful, and a piece of us was missing. We decided to take a chance on relocating and a new assignment that we knew would put us together all. the. time. Little did we know just how much time that would be!

Even when my husband was first home, releasing control and letting him step in and be the dad he’s meant to be was always a challenge for me. I knew he was there to do it in his way…however, his approach was not MY way. Let’s be real, mama’s way is the best way. 😝 I’m kidding. There were a lot of adjustments and, OK, arguments. I’m impatient. I’m always focused on my to-do list, checking things off! Processing feelings, emotions…I always associated that with needing other people, with weakness. Even thinking about it, it’s a big pain point for me, my chest feels heavy just talking about it.

But if I’m not talking to myself and working through things, I’m never going to grow! And it’s a good thing because I don’t think I would have adjusted to all of this change if I hadn’t been doing that work already. After years of resisting change because I felt comfortable where I was at, I was finally mentally prepared to open up to a lot of my own stubbornness and flaws. (Did I really just write and admit that to the world? LOL) I am learning to acknowledge my emotions, appreciate them for what they are, and release them.

Finding balance

And y’all, it has been the biggest blessing. My family, my husband and my son, is my internal unit right now. It’s the core of everything. And somehow, finding balance with my family, learning to release control to my husband, to open up and say you know what, I can’t do this by myself, has been a drastic change in my relationship. And as I become more confident in myself as a mother and a wife, it makes me fearless.

When I first had my kid, I lost myself and who I was. I became this label of “Mom,” and that’s what I thought I needed to do. I forgot what it was like to be Sam. It took me years and years before I finally started going and doing things that were for myself. Creating this business, doing something I’m passionate about, it makes me a better mom, it makes me a better wife. I feel whole.

All this goes to show; it doesn’t have to be all or nothing, it’s finding your place and being comfortable with it. Eventually, you see the balance. It’s not what anyone else is putting onto you. That’s where you find the peace I’m talking about. You don’t have to be one thing. We get to decide. We get to write the story.

So tell me – what’s your story?

Samantha

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